Hey, hello, hi! So I hesitated sending this: I’ve been in the lowest of lows for months and everything I touch is tinged with sadness. But if you know me, you know I’ve had bipolar II for forever and a day (25 years). We’re BFFs. Yes, this depression episode has surprised be––usually they last a few weeks, only this one is like: girl, let’s settle in and hannnnnnng––yet, I don’t want it to disrupt my life anymore than it has. Please keep that in mind while you read my recap!

I went on tour!! Germany to Boston, NYC, San Diego, Portland, Spanish Fork Utah, Kansas City Missouri, Chicago, Atlanta. Two weeks of meeting folks and celebrating Until the Clock Strikes Midnight. Some of the biggest highlights of my career, some moments where I thought this is the end of my career, ha! The first week was self-funded, self-organized, and that’s a good amount of money to invest in yourself and ultimately risk. The pressure was a lot.

First the bad: the turnouts were small throughout the whole trip (still grateful though!). I had people say they loved hearing about my book but didn’t want to buy it, others confused me with another Black author more than a few times, some bookstores didn’t have any of my books, and some said they didn’t have plans to stock any either. Which whoof! It was humbling and at times demoralizing. BUT I hung in there!

Now the good: there were people at every event, I had people say they couldn’t wait to share with friends and family they knew wanted bipolar rep, some bookstores had copies of all my books and multiples!, and others said they’d stock some. I met Jenny L. Howe, Kelly Andrew, my agent, Katelyn Detweiler, my very close friend, Rocky Callen, and Sarah Beth Durst (I’m a forever fan and friend).

I did an event at Brooklyn Public Library where I spoke with teens, the majority of whom were Black and had the best questions. They even told me I have a good vibe and aura…I tried and failed not to let that go to my head.

Then Sonido Reyes and I had poke––my first time, whoooooa love. I walked along the beach in San Diego alone, and giggled to myself. My friend and co-author Tracy took me around town (including Trader Joes), we signed books and laughed, as always. I spent two days alone in Portland, had amazing chicken and waffles and chocolate. I met the incomparable Aiden Thomas, then started the official Fierce Reads tour. The tour ended with me making a new friend, Caroline Bonin, finding new bookstores to love, seeing places I’ve never seen, and my first book festival. Love Y’all was the biggest moment; meeting authors I’ve admired for years for the first time, feeling like I was a part of the community, signed a crap ton of books–-it was amazing. Truly.

When I got home, I was the happiest I’ve ever been. Then came the sadness. We didn’t sell many books. I didn’t hit any of the metrics we had hoped to. My book didn’t make the splash I thought it might. Lot of factors, but ultimately, it’s likely I just don’t write splashy books––they’re quirky, Black, and too niche. I don’t have a big audience. It was supposed to be a paperback original, only that didn’t happen. I was devastated, and part of me still is. This wasn’t a failure, yet to me, it proved all my suspicions right; I don’t know how long I’ll get to keep doing this and I don’t know what I’ll do next either.

BUT that’s okay. By fall next year, I’ll have published eight books. I’ve defied the odds. I lived my dream career for seven years! And it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to get a little lost in your feelings; holding them in isn’t healthy. Be disappointed and then shift that energy into something better. While depression has kept me from writing (I did finish the first developmental edit of A Taste of Memories, it’s such a beautiful book) because my brain is sure nothing I do can ever be good enough, I have read a ton. I’ve caught on my favorite media. I’ve learned some new recipes. My pizza skills have been upped, I might even be a pro now. And I went to London two weeks ago. Still so much joy to be found when I can peek my head through the grey clouds.

Here’s what I’m reading or read during this time. Let’s start with YA dystopian by Sonido Reyes. Get a copy!

And… My Unfamiliar by Mara Rutherford. Get a copy!

Now onto Maggie and Arthur’s Magic Moment by Leslie René. Get a copy!

And… out tomorrow, Second Time’s A Charm by Taylor Epperson, so definitely get a copy!!

Okay, that’s it for me. Sorry for the long post but also thank you for sticking with me and reading it. I appreciate you all so much and I’m grateful you’re with me.

Until next time,

Alechia